My healing journey began when I left my small town in rural Nebraska at 18, in 2012. Overnight, I went from a small town of 1,200 into a metropolis of 7 million people less than a year after graduating high school. I was angry, lonely and lost. Searching for something, I knew what I was looking for, but wasn’t in front of me that I could see. Later, I learned that it was my soul and connection to be joined with spirit. During my last year of high school, I had the darkest years of my life, where I was completely outcasted from all who I thought loved me, contemplated dropping out of school and taking my life. I had no help with my future, so taking my future into my own hands meant I was leaving Nebraska or this beautiful earth.
Something from the outside was calling to me, and I knew the journey would be worth it if I just took a chance to get out. I could hear its faint calls, a breadcrumb trail of love. I wasn't scared of anything after being raised in the depths of darkness - for simply existing - and I was ready to find anything outside of what I’d known. Ready for ANYTHING life could throw at me. I WAS the darkness, I was anger, fear, resentment, jealousy, and it fed from me, and I loved and hated the pain. At that time, the pain powered my vessel, but the dire wanting to be loved and know Spirit fed my curiosity.
This beautiful chance on a new life led me to live in four different cities in 9 years, making life-long friends, incredible art, fall in love, getting burned, and constantly faced judgment and criticism from those around me. It was hard for me to see pure love and peace because of the monster that still lived in my mind and the darkness that haunted me my entire life. I was conditioned to know when pain was coming, and because I had been searching for so much outside of myself, self-love seemed like the most taunting journey. Every day, I constantly beat myself up from the moment I woke up, until I went to sleep, suffering from nightmares, so much pain - constantly. I struggled to find the meaning of pure love, and attracted like energies around me that clung onto the darkness that still resided from within. Each heartbreak led to the much-needed deaths that would transform my healing and perspective on life.
I clung to spiritual practices and searched for something outside myself… and addictions that smothered my connection to spirit.
Escaping from the real world changed my life. First on my healing journey was yoga, which started just before I left home in 2013. Yoga was different, I felt a pulse of safety and a place to see my true self, god, when I allowed the monster to take the backseat. I fell in love and learned how to breathe. Yoga is the pathway where I had learned to calm my mind and release the pain festering within my body that kept me prisoner, and grew a depth of trust within Spirit.
Second, was past life regression therapy. At age 20, I'd experienced my first past life, so shocking and unbelievable. I had met a once baby boy, a forever soulmate, and the first explosion of unconditional pure love that turned my world upside down. This momentary meditation jump into all streams of consciousness opened my ego mind, acceptance of the spirit world, challenged my fear and further deepened my perspective on the unseen. I had to take a break for 6 months after my first session to process what I had experienced. The following hypnosis meditations opened me up to the expansive lives of our spirit, trail and gateway to welcome back my soul.
Third, Tarot and Oracle cards. A magical land of the intuitive geniuses, the magical powerhouse of this century. Thank you, great Alchemisers. You taught me the foundations of my intuition, opened me up to learning about life archetypes and spirits existing beyond this human realm, while teaching me tools that helped me question and train my intuition. Tarot and Oracle have been so giving to my spiritual journey and that I also share with others for last 9 years.
Around my 4th year of diving into spirituality, I began to explore the teachings of Magicians like King Solomon and others who had manifested spirit assistance to do their bidding. Some would claim they had welcomed Demons to do their bidding. The voice within me, calling me towards pure love, was against this type of magic. These teachings of all magical beings are an extremely important part of our magical history, and never to be forgotten. A phrase that comes to mind everyday as I go deeper into the spirit realm of Shamanism, the remembrance of these important moments sparks the phrase, “All accepted and non rejected,” and “Without the darkness we have no light, and without the light we have no darkness”. We are both. Exploring the magical existence of great wizards before us, and deep healing the wounds gifted to me, WAS the journey to let go of darkness, to understand its power... and consequences.
The questions I asked God at the beginning of my journey felt answered as I perceived the spiral of life and all the life I kept repeating. Clarity fell into place slowly, as I accepted all resistance within my path. I had accumulated so much energy from the world I’d experienced, the transmutation of life showered itself as my greatest teacher. Giving up attachment to all things (pain and memories), a daily rebirth, and learning to laugh at the darkness and fall in love helped tremendously. Infinite ACCEPTANCE of all things and self love. The gift I struggled to accept was my ability to read energy so well, that I could read minds, which allowed insights to know the Spirit in others and understand their needs.
Reflecting on my life, I realized that my lack of transmuting pain allowed the pain to expand, and all the projection literally poisoned me. Many times, I had considered giving up on life from the amount of energy that piled onto me. I struggled with addiction for many years to try to block out the projected pain, but only opened deeper wounds and evil spirits. In 2017, I became Reiki certified, visited by God in my light attunement, but was still without the proper tools to deal with the demonic relationships constantly being thrown my way, and tools to deal with my sensitivity to the spirit realm and constant spirit realm hauntings in my sleeping life.
Ascending deeper in self-love after my divorce and exhausting dating life after, I gave up romantic relationships so I could fully blossom into my highest vibration. Many great teachers and readers, throughout my journey, told me I'd be on this journey without a partner. I struggled to accept that reality, and they were right. Relationships had led me to lower my energy and become submissive, so my partner could feel comfortable co-existing with me. This was one part of my human existence that was so hard to let go of. I wanted to be in a loving partnership, but constantly meeting toxic love attachment energy was so disheartening. Unconditional, pure love was the energy I needed in my life to continue to grow my unbreakable foundation and strengthen my tribe. Both toxic love and pure love are gifts, both allow us to learn, but what I experienced over and over were beings who, by any means, touched with a drop of darkness, struggled to sustain goodness with me. Allowing them to reject my spirit and still accept them made me physically sick. Forgiveness became my medicine.
"I forgive you, because I love myself." Now rings my daily mantra as I journey into the world.
The Full Awakening. My first house cleansing was a call received by one of the most loving souls I'd ever know. I had gone to Chicago calling in a life change, a death, a drastic shift, two months before my 29th birthday and Saturn's return. A soulmate, reincarnated spirit sister, who I had met in Chicago in 2015, met up for coffee to meet her new baby and caught up. In 2022, she almost died two weeks after child birth from a stroke. She waited 8 months to tell me, in person, that a dark spirit was haunting her and her family. She lost the connection with her baby and didn't feel passion for her career of teaching children. My defensives immediately were triggered, and we declared the ceremony to happen the next day. The ceremony was successful, we cleared the darkest portals, and anchored in light. She had physically cleansed symptoms and realized she was also a great energy worker, a great spirit, who will face her own challenges of darkness along her path to expanding the message of light.
As I learned from this first initiation into Shamanism, I would be dealing with this dark energy until the end of time.
It wasn't until a month later, two weeks before a daycare ceremony to remove dark energy, that I learned I was dealing with a demon or evil spirit some may call Azazel, Satan, the keeper of souls. Physically attacking the children, my defenses again, ready to anchor in love and light and transmute the darkness. He who had haunted and harmed me my entire life, and kept me deep under his thumb of death, suffocating me ANY chance he had. He is who has his hands in the hauntings of divine angels new to this world. At this point of the second cleansing call to remove evil energy, I had also cleansed my body of toxins and worked on my triangle of strength. I was ready. Mind, Body and Soul were ready. The ceremony was scheduled two weeks later, which gave me and the evil spirit plenty of time to play, and taught me what my destiny holds and how powerful we shamans become when darkness continues to step in our way. A dance of pain and love. The daycare was an absolute success, and now flows the presence of guardian angels.
Everyday we learn so many important and essential teachings, from evil energy, a few of the most important, Love(light) always wins, God(Spirit) always is one step ahead. Everyday God/Spirit breadcrumbs, and teaches us to go deeper, one evil spirit at a time. Now, our work has expanded into a multilayered landscape of planetary cleansings, sacred ceremony circles, evil energy cleansings, soul retrieval, entity extractions, group extractions, astral travel meditations, witchcraft neutralizing, fear/evil spirit training, shamanic teachings for those on the path of light, long distance healing and extractions, Reike alignments and much more!
Our greatest challenge and lesson in this life is to learn how pain supports love and love supports pain. Not giving into darkness and pain, and knowing that because we have a heart, our divine portal to all things in this universe, the illusion of pain can never have power over us. To find the joy of this human experience within all the layers. To become all and nothing continuously. To learn the transmutation act within light and darkness is one of the most powerful tools we have been gifted. Releasing all pain, forgiving all pain, transcending all confusion with every breath, with love and grace.
All is a practice, to grow in strength, light and love, and share that strength with others.
Thank you for reading a brief introduction to my story. I have SO many shaman stories, and as I make this journey my full time existence, I can't wait to share more stories with you!
With love and light,